Deconstructing Nickelback’s “Photograph” As A Peer-Reviewed College Term Paper.
"Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?"
I don't think this is your strongest opening statement. It's very obvious that what happened is that the red eye reduction on the camera was not turned on. (But if this is an old photograph, as it seems it might be, the flash was probably just up too high.) A reader will know that you could have fixed that in iPhoto, or just bought one of those red-eye pens at the scrapbook store, therefore lamenting the poor photography is unnecessary. Secondly, who is Joey? How is he related to this story? How does the hero feel about him? I think you're better off not being so literal in your first paragraph and instead beginning with concrete detail that explains the relationship between the hero and the people in the photograph.
"And This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out"
I appreciate you using the term "present owner" to describe the inhabitant's of the hero's home because that nicely builds up the theme of a time line in this story. At first reading I know immediately that the hero's family is no longer living in this house, thus reinforcing that they have all moved on and are living elsewhere and he is visiting these places, literally, via a photograph.
"And This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times"
Unclear. What in the world is the hero doing breaking *in* to school? This makes no sense, and I suggest you review your word choice. Don't teenage rebels try to *not* go to school? Or, is the hero Canadian? In that case the statement is ok, since it's a well known fact those Cannuks love to learn.
"I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate"
Presenting the hero as a high school drop out is a dangerous choice that borders on cliche. Visions of Holden Caufield come to mind and fog the reader's impression of the story you are building. I wouldn't encourage you to make a statement about foregoing education for fleeting success, or relying on unoriginal inspiration to create conflict.
"Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I"
Immediately, a reader will suggest that this is exactly why the hero should have stayed in school. (He could have gotten speech therapy for that stutter he developed.) Also, anyone who's taken McAfffey's Modern Philosophy course (a requirement for Critical Thinking and the English Language) knows it's a fundamental impossibility that he'd ever be given the chance to be "them" or to fulfill their life's goals. Because certainly if he was them at one point or another, he wouldn't be him and henceforth they couldn't let him in because he wasn't he. Instead, their lives may never have crossed paths due to the reconstruction of the universe to accommodate their new existences. Reconsider your use of modifiers.
"Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They say somebody went and burned it down"
Was this arcade at a mall? If it was, why would the cops mind if the hero and friends were hanging out there? Especially if collectively they were in fact blowing "every dollar" they ever made, wouldn't the police support the investment in local commerce? These kinds of questions need to be answered. After all, teenagers are the highest spenders of disposable income in the country, they are the consumers most companies market to. If law enforcement was really attempting to keep the hero from engaging in free enterprise, this creates a conflict that is difficult to convince the reader of. The last statement about the fire is unnecessary.
"We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel"
Again, a reader will comment that this is short-sighted. People sing into all sorts of things besides a steering wheel, a hairbrush or a water bottle, even their thumb. If that was the hero's whole reason for becoming a singer it is an obviously unreasonable goal. He could have just gotten a Mr. Microphone on eBay for like $20 with shipping, why would he go to the trouble of becoming a singer/songwriter? Please consider readdressing this statement with further clarification.
"Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I"
No one is going to read this and sympathize with the hero for losing touch with the female protagonist of this story. He's obviously admitted to being a "deadbeat dad" and that is not a subject worth glorifying. (As an aside, the feeling about this sexual experienced with Kim is obvious in the structure of this paragraph, the vocal reenactment of it is a crude attempt at shockery and is highly unnecessary.)
"Every memory of looking out the back door
I Had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye"
Who is he saying goodbye to? The photo album? The people in it? Is this entire song a poorly constructed metaphor? Reconsider.
"Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Goodbyyyyeeee
Goodbyyyyeeee
Goodbyyyyeeee, Goodbyyyyeeee."
The conclusion is redundant. A revision is needed to eliminate the overuse of statement. (i.e., Is it really necessary to say, "The End" when the screen has obviously gone black?) Reconsider the structure of this ending statement to further reflect the reason behind the hero saying "goodbye."
