Today I had the most ridiculous conversation with a person I've ever had in my entire life. This guy calls me and I have to do some shit for him so I asked him what his name was, and he says, "It's John Gome."
Weird name, but anyway, I repeat it, "John Gome? G-O-M-E?"
And this is where it starts to get ridiculous, because the guy gives me this big long emphatic sigh and says, "NO. It's GOME. G-N-O-M-E. Pronounced Go-OHM."
And I'm thinking, Uh, that's not how you say it dude, but I don't say that I just repeat to him, "Like, know-em?"
And he shouts, "IT'S GOME! GEE EN OH EM EE! GOME!"
Seriously, that isn't the word "gome," not that gome is actually a word. It's gnome, as in little woodland creatures who bake cookies and live in tree trunks! It's spelled G-N-O-M-E and is pronounced KNOW-EHM, like knock or knob or know. KNOW is not pronounced "KOW" or "COW," so why would GNOME be pronounced "GO-OHM"? Maybe if you're an idiot, that's why.
Understanding that this guy has had a whole life of explaining the exact same thing to millions of people, I just decided to go with it. I mean, I have a bad name too, I know what it's like to say my name, spell it, and then reference it in a sentence so someone gets what my name is. Yeah, like the mad, never heard that one before, you asshole. So again, I repeat this guy's name but while acting completely retarded about it, and say, "Ok, I'm so sorry, it's spelled G-O-M-E but pronounced like 'gnome,' right?"
Aaannnddd he was furious! Aaannnnddd it was fantastic! I could feel him seething on the other end of the phone while he slowly said, "My name is John Gome."
"Ok," I say, "I got it. Gah-nome. John Ganome."
And that's when I heard it, the most glorious sound in the world: the man hung up on me. Ah ha! That every call could be so simple! It was as if my whole existence in an office environment just made so much sense suddenly as I realized the goal of every meaningless call I get should be to get someone to hang up on me! So that's my new goal in life, starting now.
