I need to get new glasses. I've had the same glasses since 2000, and I've been saying lately, "Oh, I've only had these glasses since 2000," as if five years is not a long time at all. In the general course of time, five years may be a split second, but regarding "health care" or "hygiene" or "blurred vision" five years is like a double eternity. I haven't gotten new glasses because of the phenomenally inconvenient location of my eye doctor all those 7 miles away, but it's getting to the point where closing my eyes makes them kind of burn, and maybe when I open them again my vision is red. I think this is because I stare at the computer screen all day and the internet has permanently scorched my retinas, and because I've been wearing the same prescription for five years.
Yesterday at Starbucks I saw a display on the counter that read "Anti Ringtones." I was excited about this because I happen to be very much anti-ringtones, which I declared excitedly to the barista. "Wow, I'm anti-ringtones too!" I said, and she just looked at me saying with her face, "Ok weirdo. Whatever." Closer to my face, I realized the CD actually read "ANTIGONE," and I kind of laughed at my stupidity as I put it back down. Declaring I was anti-ringtones, now that's embarrassing. It would be as stupid as someone walking into Panera Bread and exclaiming, "Boy, those tire irons are awful, aren't they!?"
I backed away kind of humiliated and started pacing around waiting for my drink, thinking what on earth would make a person declare that they were "anti gone" when they could just as easily say they were here. Or would being anti-gone mean that they were pro-here, therefore making them some kind of advocate for the here-ees? Wouldn't being "pro-here" just mean they were there already and why would someone need to fight for our right to be here? Why does everyone have to get so fucking post-modern with the anti-this and pro-that and why can't we all just live in the now, people? I mean come on.
It wasn't until a long time later, much much longer than the average person would have taken, that I figured out ANTIGONE (that's AN-TI-GON-EE) is a band, and that was their CD. I only realized this because on my way back to my car I, having repeated the words "anti gone" so many times I was now thinking about Antigone the Greek tragedy, one I knew well having written a 23 page precis on Sophocles in high school. The moral of this story is I've been out of high school almost 10 years now, and I was much smarter back then, and I didn't wear glasses.
